The intellectual side of pale, antisocial bloggers has to laugh at disclaimers issued by big wigs to cover their collective butts. Seems that one of the owners of Les Deux, that Hollywood night club where Lindsay Lohan was spotted by paparazzi just hours before her DUI bust (with a possible cocaine charge), issued a CYA statement about Lohan hanging out at the club, stating, “Les Deux is a restaurant, open five nights a week, and there is no age limit for our patrons. Lindsay had dinner at Les Deux that night and waited for friends to pack up the DJ supplies, thus leaving Les Deux after closing. Because of the enormous paparazzi presence outside of Les Deux that night, we allowed her to stay late and wait for her friends. She was not drinking at Les Deux and left driven by her driver.”

Wow, cool move to shift blame on the hungry paps and say she left with a driver. After media stated that the Alcohol Beverage Control (ABC) was going to investigate underage Lindsay’s DUI, the club responded, “We have and will continue to work closely with the ABC to make sure alcohol is consumed by responsible people of the legal drinking age, in a responsible manner.”

That was all such a mouthful that exhausted and horny bloggers are even ready for more Firecrotch comments from Paris Hilton’s buddy, gross Greasy Bear. Speaking of Paris, she’s less than a week away from the slammer for her wild partying…and Nicole Richie is sweating what little butt she has off about her pending charges…they can’t tuck all the hotties away in the slammer, now c’mon…

Wow, Lindsay Lohan has to be the ultimate party girl. Seems that her little DUI and cocaine bust on Friday night didn’t slow down her partying pace at all, unlike Paris Hilton. On Memorial Day, Lindsay partied her butt off until wee hours and then collapsed in a complete stupor on the front seat of her car. Way cool!

Anyhow, LiLo partied at Teddy’s and paparazzi caught some shots of luscious Lindsay stumbling out of the club at 4 in the morning. She dropped her cigarettes and shades before she puked and fell into a heap in her car. Seems that a bouncer actually had to pick her up (what a lucky dude he was) and place her in the passenger seat of her SUV. Even when gal pal Samantha Ronson tried to prod La Lohan awake, according to word on the street, LiLo was “totally passed out”. We’re guessing Firecrotch consumed too much firewater on the firecrackin’ American holiday…

Further, it seems that 20 year old Lohan is on her way back to making Promises her new home in Malibu for a little rest and rehabilitation, a mere couple of months after her first attempt rehab. This must be the hangout for hotties like LiLo and Britney Spears. And hey, you know, LiLo couldn’t go back to rehab without one last fling…

Seems that Paris Hilton spent some time heating up weenies this Memorial Day weekend and even waved her flag about it. No dudes, not the weenies you think but yes, those dogs were really hot after some tender, lovin’ handling from Paris as she put on a celebratory BBQ at her pad this past weekend.

Despite her pending jail sentence, this sexy celebutante seemed to be in good spirits, enjoying and celebrating her final days of good old American freedom. Paris’ lofty guest list included her sweet sis Nicky, Keisha Cole, a possibly newly engaged Elisha Cuthbert, director Brett Ratner, Brandon “Greasy Bear” Davis of Lindsay Lohan Firecrotch fame and the recently rounded out to perfection Nicole Richie. (Bloggers are digging on Nicole’s new, busty look – if she keeps eating a meal every once in a while she may even rival Paris or Kim Kardashian.) Even former MTV VJ now gone D-list, Simon Rex, joined in on the Simple Life at the Hilton house for a old-fashioned BBQ.

Paris posed quietly for the paparazzi at her front door holding a flag - horny bloggers salute! Rex told the paps that although Hilton is headed to the slammer soon, she is “doing good”. Looking good, too and we’re all ready for a little Paris Exposed meets Jail House Girls Gone Wild!

Even horny bloggers are shocked at the latest statement made about luscious and lovely Angelina Jolie. Seems that George Clooney feels that Jolie is an “ugly” and “horrible” person. Frankly, if our women were this ugly we wouldn’t be combing blogs for revealing photos of hotties…

Anyhow, during a promotion of “Oceans 13” in Cannes, Clooney and co-star Matt Damon began to tear up Brangelina, quipping that “Brad has had it tough” (we would love having life this tough) because he’s “hobbled with children” and “that horrible ugly wife.” Clooney was even kind enough to offer a potential solution to Brad’s quandary. George suggested that Brad should just kill himself to be free of the horrendous situation. Pitt is also a co-star in “Oceans 13” and it seems that the gang has made it a habit to rag on each other.

However, we wonder if the joking around part is just a cover up for the really harsh statement made about Brad, which was made on a sticker placed by Clooney on Brad’s car. Seems that the sticker read, “Small Penis on Board”. Maybe that explains why his chick is horrible and ugly…though we’d all welcome a babe that horribly ugly…hey, give the rugrats to a sitter with all that dough and you’re good to go…

Bloggers are still not over the pending prison sentence for beloved celebutante Paris Hilton and now there’s more bad news about one of our favorite Hollywood honeys – Lindsay Lohan. Seems that LiLo struck a curb with her Mercedes at 5:30 AM on Sunset Boulevard. She was with two other passengers, who suffered no injuries and no other cars were involved. However, Sgt. Mike Foxen reports that Lindsay was, “cited and released because she has been admitted to a local hospital for minor injuries.”

Officers received a 911 call about the incident and showed up to find LiLo in this terrible scene. Add to this that Lt. Mitch McCann of the Beverly Hills Police Department found “a usable amount” of cocaine at the scene that was “not on her person”. Lohan went to the Century City Hospital to get treatment for minor injuries involving “something to her upper chest area”. Rumor has it that Lohan was speeding and lost control and was cited for DUI and released with the prospect of having to face a judge in the future.

Lohan reps had no comment and paparazzi has heard nothing from the usually overspoken Momma Dina Lohan. Wasn’t mom the one who just said that partying was the fun part and negated any commentary about the photo of LiLo snorting coke in the bathroom with some friends? Maybe Momma Lohan should get together with Britney Spears’ mom – for some advice. Horny bloggers have high hopes of seeing Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie sharing the same DUI cell in prison – just think of the hot action these jail house honeys could get into…

Bloggers are taking a trip down memory lane with Paris Hilton, thinking about her Us interview that took place around a month before her dreaded jail sentencing. During the conversation, Paris dissed the rigors of camp life for “The Simple Life”. Seems that the celebutante “endured” the taping of the new season and everything she had to deal with was “annoying”.

How could these heathens expect Hilton to function without Blackberry service and “a nice bed” (hey bloggers know what she needs that comfy cushion for – and we’re there with you Paris, all the way), along with privacy. Wow, there will be no Blackberry, bed or privacy in the slammer when Paris goes in about a dozen days – how will our favorite diva survive?

Speaking of survival, rapper superstar Eve’s attorney just appeared in the same Los Angeles courtroom where Paris Hilton was sentenced to 45 days in the slammer. Seems that Eve pleaded not guilty to crashing her Maserati into a center divider at 2:45 AM on April 26 on Hollywood Boulevard. In fact, Sean Penn had passed by Eve’s cell that night just to “see how she was doing”. So far, so good but there could be another babe in jail yet. We may even want to add Paris Hilton gal pal, Nicole Richie, for that pending DUI. Wow, that would really be a jail house honey sex tape to see…

After the new of Paris Hilton going to jail, bloggers aren’t sure if they can take anymore bad news about their favorite babes but there seems to be more. Word on the street persistently insisted that Paris’ gal pal, Nicole Richie, was back in rehab and in a more hopeless state than ever. According to certain tabloids, Richie re-entered Beau Monde on May 11 to fight painkiller addiction and anorexia on an outpatient basis. She was reportedly in tears and lamenting that she has “lost control of her life”. Nicole was said to have returned again to the rehab on May 19.

Reps for Richie say otherwise, however, saying that the thin celebutante is “in Glendale at her house” and “completely sober”. The rep went on that Nicole did go back to see her therapist and that her recovery is an “ongoing process”. Hey, horny bloggers saw some photos of Nicole and she looked like she had developed some cool busty assets – nothing to rival Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton, but definitely more than a handful or a mouthful…

Anyway, Nicole Richie still needs to go to court about that sticky DUI situation. Wouldn’t it be something if Nicole and Paris both got to live the Simple Life in jail? Wow, consider the flaming sex tapes they could make together with those jail house honeys…

Katie Holmes and a sex film about losing virginity – how could that be after the hyped up wedding and related publicity about the love of her life Tom Cruise, Scientology’s poster boy? Apparently this hot footage has nothing to do with Katie Holmes herself and she is outraged with this alleged “tribute” to her innocent appeal. (Was that awesome topless scene in “The Gift” considered innocent?)

Anyway, an aspiring starlet with pie in the sky (pun as always intended) dreams, as lofty as those of Paris Exposed, Kim Kardashian Superstar and Lindsay “Firecrotch” Lohan, wants to lose her virginity in front of the filmmakers and take on Katee Holmes as her porn star name. (Guess topless scenes are innocent to an aspiring porn star intending to pop her cherry on camera.) Guess the real Katie Holmes isn’t thrilled because…

Word on the street says that Katie Holmes and hubby Tom are considering their options against the young hopeful “Holmes”. Frankly, bloggers think this Katee Holmes puts a whole new spin on famous folks and sex tapes and wonder why the celebrity couple would deny the public this fine tribute? Maybe this youthful Katee Holmes will put together that x-rated version of the babes of Scientology horny bloggers have been hoping so long for…

With all the talk about Joe Francis, guru of Girls Gone Wild, being in jail and Paris Hilton going to jail, many bloggers are asking who would be the better cell mate. Frankly, horny bloggers think that there should be a co-ed cell where Joe could film a Girls Gone Wild in jail meets Paris Exposed but it seems that we can only dream about that one for now…

Anyhow, it also seems that it wasn’t enough for Candy Spelling, wife of Aaron Spelling and mother of Tori Spelling, to write a letter over the Internet to Paris Hilton about her upcoming prison stay, accusing her of being a spoiled brat. Now Candy is writing more Internet notes to Joe Francis about his time in prison and her opinions about him deserving it. Bloggers want to know who the hell made this old lady judge and jury, anyhow? Joe Francis seems to agree, stating that he never met this woman and wonders why the heck she would write him a letter about his situation over the Internet. He says he imagines her in lonely her mansion with 300 cats…and frankly, bloggers think that even those pussies would tire of this old one…anyway, we hope that Joe’s honest and upfront letter gets this tired old broad to shut the heck up…what would horny bloggers do without the animated antics and fine footage of hotties gone wild from folks like Joe and Paris, anyway?! Maybe Candy just needs to get laid…

Remember the chick who filed a felony grand theft criminal complaint against lovely Lindsay Lohan, claiming she took her clothes (we’d like to see that thought in action)? Seems that the case has reared its ugly head in favor of LaLohan (hottest babe around according to Maxim). Back on April 16, this chick filed a police report that claimed she left Cali for awhile and allowed a friend to stay in her apartment. When she got back, over $5,000 worth of goodies were gone and she felt LiLo was the culprit.

The case was referred by the LAPD to the office of the D.A. The County District Attorney decided to reject the case. The document from the D.A.’s office states, “witnesses saw suspect Lohan give her driver…a clear bag with some clothing to take to the car.”

Apparently some of the details of this tale of woe didn’t add up. The D.A.’s office said that the photographs given to the police showing Lohan wearing the stuff didn’t cut it – it appeared that the plaid shirt worn by LiLo in one of the pictures did not match the alleged victim’s plaid shirt. In fact, Lohan purportedly only took back items that actually belonged to her.

Add to this the fact that the person watching the alleged victim’s crib gave the stuff to Lindsay, so there was no theft involved. Accordingly, D.A. Steve Cooley, a real cool guy to us, rejected this seemingly bogus case. Horny bloggers are glad to see the lusciously lovely Lindsay out of the line of fire…although we would have loved to see a Firecrotch cat fight, complete with hair pulling and clothing removal…