While horny bloggers have been missing Lindsay Lohan in rehab, the law has had other things on their mind – the toxicology reports from the day of LiLo’s accident on May 26 at 5:30 AM. Lohan smacked her 2005 Mercedes SL-65 convertible into a curb on Sunset Boulevard with two other adults in the car. Right after the crash, Linds was brought to the hospital for minor injuries and placed under arrest for suspected DUI. Later on the cops said they made a find in Lohan’s convertible – a “usable amount” of cocaine.

Word on the street says that the toxicology reports revealed that 20 year old Lindsay had “nearly twice the legal limit” of alcohol in her system. The limit to be legally drunk in Cali is .08. Further, it seems that Lohan had traces of coke – and not the sugary beverage – in her system. What a blow for LiLo! We’re snorting mad about all this…

Anyway, rumor says the Beverly Hills police department may be presenting the case to the LA district attorney within the next few days. Blair Berk, Lindsay’s attorney, states, “It’s highly inappropriate for me to discuss a pending case. It is extremely unprofessional for law enforcement to do it.”

Guess LiLo won’t be having a coke and a smile anytime soon…

We all saw pouty Paris Hilton on Larry King last night and she looked no worse for the wear from her stint at jail. As she discussed baloney, jail slop and the fact she doesn’t drink or do drugs, she appeared believable, almost innocent…until horny bloggers started to recall A Night In Paris and Paris Exposed…

Funny to note that despite Paris’ partying nights out with rehab queens Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears, she stated she had no friends who went to rehab. Guess Paris’ real friends are just like her – what is that, denial is not a river?! Anyhow, we love how Hilton hedges around questions about drinking and drugs – seems that she’ll be hitting the circuit again for us to follow her lovely tail, as well as the tails of her “real” friends…Kim “The Tush” Kardashian and Nicole Richie, another misdirected driver…

Speaking of misdirected, Britney Spears seems to have had another hair mishap, y’all. We were just getting used to her ratty blonde weaves and even starting to find them appealing in a shabby yet sex sort of way and now Brit attempted a self-dye job on her hair (didn’t she learn about her hairdressing skills when she turned out bald?) and now has some sort of black ropes hanging from her head…imagine them dangling over you in bed? We think we preferred Brit bald…

Horny bloggers celebrated all night about Paris Hilton’s release from the pokey and hope to catch this sexy celebutante in some compromising positions soon. We know she’s talking for the first time on Larry King tonight and wonder if she’ll discuss her alleged new perspective on life, which sounds very disappointing to us…

Speaking of disappointment, we’re still missing the escapades of luscious Lindsay Lohan. Her ex-con dad finally had something to celebrate about when he got visitation rights with his kids this week at court in Long Island, probably to momma Dina’s dismay. Apparently the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree because according to poppa Michael Lohan, he spoke to Linds a few days before she entered rehab and she had significant words for him, stating, “I’m the same as you Daddy, I’m the same as you…”

Anyway, Disney chicks stick together because Miley Cyrus, 14 year old star of “Hannah Montana” was seen in New York City last week on her way to an appearance on “Good Morning America” and when asked about LiLo, Miley shouted, “I wish her the best.” Miley’s mom added, “She’s amazing and she’s going to be awesome.”

From what horny bloggers have seen of LiLo and her famous Firecrotch in the past, she is certainly both amazing and awesome…

Today brings the moment horny blogger have been waiting for with baited breath and weak knees (and other limp body parts) for three weeks – the release of Paris Hilton from the pokey!

That’s right, our favorite sexy celebutante smiled as she walked of the Lynwood, the Loss Angeles County jail she’s been hanging out at lately. Paris left the all-woman facility just fifteen minutes after midnight – guess she couldn’t wait to get out either! Steve Whitmore, the sheriff’s spokesperson said, “She fulfilled her debt…she thanked people as she left.” Paparazzi swarmed Paris as she left with momma Kathy and poppa Rick.

Although we’re all looking forward to seeing Hilton let it all hang out for us again, she claims she doesn’t want to “surround” herself with “bad people” anymore (see ya later, Greasy Bear – watch those Hilton days slip and slide away) and that she wants to build a “transitional home” for inmates who are just released to help them stop a “bad cycle”. Paris says she’s done with “those types of people”.

Despite these lofty ambitions, where are sure to fulfill her community service requirement to lessen her probation time, the Hiltons are throwing a major shindig tonight and bloggers will be carefully watching…think we’ll see Kim “The Tush” Kardashian or misdirected Nicole Richie on the scene?

The word is out – Paris Hilton is out of the pokey officially as of next Tuesday, June 26 and horny bloggers are so happy! We can go back to following the lovely curves of Paris as she lives the Simple Life in the Hills. Frankly, we’re pining away since June 3 when the courts tore Paris away from the party circuit…and didn’t even give us any Paris Exposed meets Jail House Honeys Gone Wild sex tape footage from the slammer…

There will be some taping and an appearance from Paris once she leaves the big house. Everyone thought she’d talk first to Barbara Walters, then NBC was rumored to get the celebutante interview, but guess who will really get to speak with this lovely about her imprisoned days and related mental anguish…the King! Yes Larry King with interview the sexy celebutante on “Larry King Live” this upcoming Wednesday night. Paris says that, “I am thrilled that Larry King has asked me to appear on his program to discuss my experience in jail, what I have learned, how I have grown and anything else he wants to talk about. Larry King is not only a world-renown journalist, but a true American Icon. It will be an honor to do his show.” We’re sure King will be pleased to have Paris, too…a pouty party icon meets an alleged American icon…we’ll be there…

The circus around the late, great Anna Nicole Smith continues. Seems that Howard K. Stern and Larry Birkhead are getting along well these days with a common interest – Anna’s little girl. Meanwhile, Lawrence Korda, one of the infamous judges in the Smith hearings, stepped down due from his lofty post due to reefer madness – he was caught sparking up in the park and DNA tests proved Korda to be a ganga enthusiast…

Meanwhile, Judge Larry Seidlin resigned from his bench in Broward County, Florida without stating his exact reasons. Word on the street says Judge Seidlin’s decision was motivated by his notoriety from presiding over the Anna Nicole Smith body trial. Horny bloggers note that a lot of dudes made big cash from Anna’s luscious body. Anyway, rumor further has it that CBS is entertaining a deal for a show with Judge Larry but he won’t admit or deny, stating, “Everything affects your life one way or another. I hope to be in a position where I can help people in a more global setting.” Hey, how about some disgusting sex tapes for the elderly of Judge Larry getting in on with Judge Judy as her former People’s Court judge hubby watches for a global impact? We think the senior set may dig this as much as we enjoyed Paris Hilton in Paris Exposed and her gal pal Kim “The Tush” Kardashian in Kim Kardashian Superstar…we wonder if Vivid would entertain this wild idea in honor of Anna Nicole’s busty assets and circus entourage…

Good news – word on the street says that Paris Hilton will be out of jail and back to her partying self on Monday. Apparently, Paris is hornier than horny bloggers from her lengthy stay in the big house with no sex – she’s been texting and emailing with Hunter Cross, one of her co-stars on “The Simple Life”. Seems that Cross did the how to get near Hilton’s busty assets and fondly remembers her funning around the woods with Nicole Richie, trying to get a phone signal with their “Blackberrys up in the air”. We Hunter imagines hunting Paris down in the woods with her legs in the air…

Anyhow, Cross and horny bloggers won’t be the only ones who are glad that Paris leaves the pokey. With thousand of letters from fans arriving at Lynwood, the staff can’t wait for Hilton to be released. In fact, a source stated that, “The pressure affected everyone! At first, the idea of having Miss Hilton in our jail was exciting.” Further, the informant felt that Paris’ stay was a nightmare and from nurses to clerks to all the employees, the drama that Hilton brought with her to jail was “way too much distraction.”

Guess the staff was pissed off they couldn’t catch Paris pissing on film (as are bloggers who waited for hot sex tapes from the jail house). Hey, maybe we can count on Hunter to be the next Ray-J of Kim Kardashian Superstar fame – he can direct the post pokey action on film with the sex-starved Hilton! C’mon, Cross, grab the chance…

While Paris Hilton of Paris Exposed fame out of commission in the slammer, there seems to be a new exposed on the scene – Toastee Exposed! Vivid Entertainment, the adult film giants who brought us Kim “The Tush” Kardashian in the infamous Kim Kardashian Superstar, are now in bed (yes, pun as always, intended) with Toastee from VH1′a “Flavor of Love 2”.

Toastee’s claim to fame is squeezing men’s heads between her legs (yum) under the name of “Natalia the Scissor Vixen”. However, Toastee’s soon to be released celebrity sex tape was shelved temporarily. No, not because of Toastee, who claims she is too busy pursuing a medical degree to fight this sex tape (wonder if she is going for psychology or gynecology) – because of an ex-boyfriend!

Apparently Toastee’s ex “Jeffrey” mistakenly believed that a mystery hand spanking Toastee’s ample assets in the film belonged to him. He demanded that Vivid stop distribution of the hot sex tape in a back door attempt to sabotage Toastee’s asstastic film – but co-chairman, Steven Hirsch, calmly showed an extended version of the clip to “Jeffrey”, proving that his hand wasn’t in this production. “Jeffrey” apologized and let Hirsch know, “Toastee and I did have some spanking good times though.” Way to hit it, Jeffrey!

Toastee is famous for her splits and contortionist abilities – horny bloggers can only imagine the playground her bedroom is! We think “Jeffrey” just wanted to let the world know he was in on that spank-a-thon…

As paparazzi follow Britney Spears through Malibu and hold up traffic to watch her get a French manicure and flip the bird at y’all, Kevin Federline’s other ex-wife, Shar Jackson, is pissed at the press and ready to take action.

Shar, baby mama to K-Fed’s other kids, was rumored by Star Magazine to have K-Fed’s bun in her oven cooking. Jackson retorted earlier in the week with, “There’s absolutely no action going on in my uterus.” (Bloggers, despite our horny and graphic nature, found this to be a bit too much information). Anyway, Shar went on to say, “I’m no expert, but I hear you actually have to have sex.” Jackson claims, despite her busty assets, that that “hasn’t been happening.” Further, she has no desire to procreate with anyone at this time, especially Fed-Ex, since she just had a tummy tuck and, “I’m not trying to ruin my body.”

Wow, K-Fed hasn’t been hitting that newly taut hottie that was once his wife? Is this guy even crazier than he looks? Add to all this that Shar hired attorney George Gallegos to fight press claims, stating her children are being affected by the rumors. We wonder what those little Fed-Ex packages think of Daddy’s partying all around town and his new ex-wife’s crotch all over the press…

Anna Nicole Smith and her busty assets are gone but not forgotten. Seems that Larry Birkhead and daughter Dannielynn are living at Anna Nicole’s home in Los Angeles and some odd guests have been arriving – usually when the duo are out – that resemble Anna Nicole. Celebrity doubles, anyone?

Anyhow, we all know that the circus that surrounded Anna Nicole continued after her death in the odd court hearings we all were so addicted to. Add more strange tales – apparently a dumpster diver at Judge Larry Seidlin’s condo building located a mysterious envelope addressed to Anna Nicole that was marked “X-Rays”. The envelope was found a month after the Judge ruled on Smith’s case and was addressed to Anna at a Hollywood post office, care of Howard K. Stern. The sender was plastic surgery x-pert Dr. Robert Kellum. The Judge has no idea how the x-rays got in his trash.

Moving on to Judge Lawrence Korda, seems that his career has gone to pot since the Anna Nicole arguments. Dude Korda was caught firing Mary Jane last March in the park outside the Broward County Courts. After being caught reefer-handed, Korda pleaded not guilty and refused to hash up the events after an official inquiry was sparked. Anyhow, Korda announced his early retirement from the bench and as of July 2, he’s ganja for good. Guess Korda decided to blow the joint before he got weeded out by his superiors…